This has been edited to put satirical comments in. Any criticism, it's the manager's fault.
Full Time
Dan Popham (attacking wide boy/player)
Marshall Benson (patrolling tank unit)
Jim Boutcher (the Enigma - how the heck does he score?)
Dion Chamberlain (versatile but possibly somewhat brittle after last season's misfortunes)
Scott Crookston (newbie - I'd tease, but he's faster, fitter, more skilful and probably smarter than me. He smells.)
Mark Crookston (Newbie's brother. Jack of All Trades, and master of several of them)
Scott Donaldson (Ron Knee)
Glenn Campbell (Rhinestone Cowboy and committed defender, with all that euphemism implies)
Stephen Toplis (or part time) (forward - or so a young lady claimed after the last drinks - Boom! Boom!)
Aaron Watson (central to the team. At least in positional terms)
Ray Hardy (the Swan - looks like he glides effortlessly up and down the pitch. Surely deceptive?)
Tim Pate (or part time) (Shady)
Part Time
Symon Ross (attacking midfielder, perhaps less comfortable than most in the green and white hoops for some reason)
Tuong Nguyen (so fast he can play two positions at the same time. Handy when the strikers have training wheels)
Christian Redgewell (harder than he looks, which may say more about his looks than his hardness)
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